I am not a happy camper. In fact you could say I am a very disgruntled one. Especially after the day I had yesterday which culminated in me crying myself to sleep in the wee hours of the morning.
You see, as wonderful as this adventure may be some times, there are others when it's not so great. And as happy as I was to finally get our motor home, that was when I thought we'd actually go somewhere on occasion.
It appears that I am not the only one that feels this way. We are all a bit fed up. Fed up with not having our own space or privacy. But we all display this a bit differently. My kids bicker. They argue. They call each other names like moron, stupid and retard. This frustrates me. It angers me. It makes me want to pull my hair out. It makes me feel like a failure. Because despite my best efforts to teach by example to encourage them to be content in all things. To believe the best of others. To do unto others as you'd have them do unto you. They still have some sort of hate spew from their mouths. Well not always. Just yesterday. Mainly in the morning and afternoon. By evening they'd come to their senses and were quite nice to one another. A bit late I'd say.
So what's the problem? They miss our house. They miss their friends and family. They miss some of the piles of stuff that is packed hours away in storage. Me? I miss my cute house that I painstakingly decorated. I miss the fact that I could get up in the morning and have a cup of hot tea in my china tea cups at the dining room table while watching the light filter in through the windows without waking everyone. I miss taking hot baths. I miss alone time with my husband. I miss my friends and family. But I also miss the fact that for the past year we haven't really traveled like we used to.
My husband has agreed to stay on with this company longer which means it's time to make some decisions. Either we can still sit here in our cozy camper or we can rent another temporary house or apartment. And for all my whining, it may sound strange, but I cried myself to sleep last night in part because it feels like my dream is dying. The dream of traveling around the entire country with my husband and kids before they are grown. Yes, we've experienced some of that and when we are traveling and we are seeing new places, it's great. And despite my earlier ramblings, we really are much closer as a family.
It may sound silly, but I have always felt like we had one chance. And the Lord has opened so many doors. I never dreamed we'd be able to see the things we've seen over the past four years. But it has been four years of back and forth. And I'm tired. We're tired. So...I'm a bit heavy hearted to say that I really don't know what's next.
So, I've resolved to trust my husband. To trust the Lord. To pray for direction and guidance. It could be that this adventure is over. It could be that I need to be patient a bit longer. It could be that our current adventure will turn into an adventure of another kind. We'll see.