Thursday, February 11, 2010

What's next?

I am not a happy camper. In fact you could say I am a very disgruntled one. Especially after the day I had yesterday which culminated in me crying myself to sleep in the wee hours of the morning.

You see, as wonderful as this adventure may be some times, there are others when it's not so great. And as happy as I was to finally get our motor home, that was when I thought we'd actually go somewhere on occasion.

It appears that I am not the only one that feels this way. We are all a bit fed up. Fed up with not having our own space or privacy. But we all display this a bit differently. My kids bicker. They argue. They call each other names like moron, stupid and retard. This frustrates me. It angers me. It makes me want to pull my hair out. It makes me feel like a failure. Because despite my best efforts to teach by example to encourage them to be content in all things. To believe the best of others. To do unto others as you'd have them do unto you. They still have some sort of hate spew from their mouths. Well not always. Just yesterday. Mainly in the morning and afternoon. By evening they'd come to their senses and were quite nice to one another. A bit late I'd say.

So what's the problem? They miss our house. They miss their friends and family. They miss some of the piles of stuff that is packed hours away in storage. Me? I miss my cute house that I painstakingly decorated. I miss the fact that I could get up in the morning and have a cup of hot tea in my china tea cups at the dining room table while watching the light filter in through the windows without waking everyone. I miss taking hot baths. I miss alone time with my husband. I miss my friends and family. But I also miss the fact that for the past year we haven't really traveled like we used to.

My husband has agreed to stay on with this company longer which means it's time to make some decisions. Either we can still sit here in our cozy camper or we can rent another temporary house or apartment. And for all my whining, it may sound strange, but I cried myself to sleep last night in part because it feels like my dream is dying. The dream of traveling around the entire country with my husband and kids before they are grown. Yes, we've experienced some of that and when we are traveling and we are seeing new places, it's great. And despite my earlier ramblings, we really are much closer as a family.

It may sound silly, but I have always felt like we had one chance. And the Lord has opened so many doors. I never dreamed we'd be able to see the things we've seen over the past four years. But it has been four years of back and forth. And I'm tired. We're tired. So...I'm a bit heavy hearted to say that I really don't know what's next.

So, I've resolved to trust my husband. To trust the Lord. To pray for direction and guidance. It could be that this adventure is over. It could be that I need to be patient a bit longer. It could be that our current adventure will turn into an adventure of another kind. We'll see.


  1. I will be praying for you! I'm sure that is a frustrating feeling... to want to stay but yet need more space. I'll pray for your kids too... nothing sets me more on edge to hear my kids fighting and no that they are not happy. I hope your day today is a better one!

  2. I can so relate to the emotional rollercoaster you are having... it is so hard... sometimes... but there are lots of times when it works out...

    I think you are very wise to trust in the Lord... and his plan for your family. If your hubby is doing the same... you guys wont go wrong.

    Big hugs and hang in there!

  3. I'm thinking that it is gonna turn into an adventure of another kind!!

    Karen as Anonymous:0

  4. What about short term rental for say 3 months? It would give you a little of that privacy and space that you all must be craving by now - and then who knows...maybe new doors will be opened, with new opportunities to experience something a little different. If there's one thing I've learned its that God's timing and plans is rarely in synch with our own :)

  5. I'm so sorry to hear that you are burnt out. It happens to everyone though, no matter what lifestyle they are living. It reminds me of missionary families who get burnt out because there is so much more stress living in a way that is not normal for YOU. Everyone needs a break. Maybe all you need is a vacation from this vacation you've been on. Some down time to relax in YOUR environment. Kind of like how missionaries take furloughs. Don't be discouraged. It's something you can always go back to another time. Praying for you.

  6. God bless you because I don't think I could do that.
    I hope your day gets better!

  7. Change is always difficult, especially when we cannot see around that bend up ahead. It is a blessing to me to hear you have decided to trust your husband and the Lord. That is the place of peace and joy in spite of all circumstances. You and your family are in my prayers.

  8. I cannot wait to see where the Lord is going with this. I'm thankful for your blog and your dedication to blogging each day. I love to read about your adventures because I too love to travel and have exciting journeys! I like to take note of "points of interest" you mention to perhaps hit them one day. :) I hope you don't mind but I would like to end with a couple verses I hope will be of encouragement. :)

    Psalm 46:10: Be still, and know that I am God.
    Matthew 6:33-34: But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. 34 "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

  9. Iam very new here and cant wait to see how your exciting adventure unfolds. Prayers ofcourse along with dreams of my own adventures that come close to yours. (Including the fighting funny to read this on a night where my boys were on a roll!) Bless you. :) Ang


I love hearing what you think! Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment! Blessings!:)

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